How Can You Tell if You Run on VM?

• If you can't get help or even use the help command to explain an error message, then you're probably not on VM.
• If the idea of a virtual server makes you nervous, then you're probably not on VM
• If your OS is more of a hindrance than an enabler, then you're probably not on VM
• If you have to regularly install emergency patches to block security holes in your operating system, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you don't have source code for the OS, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you feel that you're in a maze of twisty little two-letter command passages, all alike, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you think of your dog when you overhear someone referring to REXX, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you're worried about CODE RED virus infections, then you're probably not on VM.
• Do you have a massive number of colleagues to run your department's server, then you're probably not on VM.
• Do You see a blue screen at least twice a day, losing all your work, then you're probably not on VM
• If the idea of running over 41,000 images of Linux on a single footprint could never cross your mind, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you have to schedule machine time on Sunday mornings to test new versions of your operating system then you're probably not on VM.
• If you've never installed an operating system, had no idea what you were doing, and had it come up perfectly the first time, then you're probably not on VM.
• If after sending someone a note, you phone them the next day just to check if they got the note; then you're probably not on VM.
• If you have hundreds of servers, in one county, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you need a screw driver to tear apart your workstation in order to get more memory instead of just issuing DEFINE STOR 256M, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you've never executed a command that completed so fast you weren't sure if it ran correctly, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you can brew a new cup of coffee and have time to drink it before your logon completes its boot or IPL, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you have the help desk phone number memorized, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you talk to level 2 more than your spouse, then you're probably not on VM.
• If the keys with the most wear and dirt on your key board are Ctrl, Alt, and Delete, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you can use the excuse 'I sent the note, but the e-mail system must have lost it' and get away with it, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you've never forgotten the re-ipl procedures because it has been so long since your system was down, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you stick to one page memos because your system can't handle files a megabyte in size, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you have never used the world's greatest editor, then you're probably not on VM.
• If you never said, "Gee that was kind of fun", then you're probably not on VM.
• If your operations staff has the recovery steps memorized because they get lots of practice, then you're probably not on VM.

Send me a good one if you'd like to see it added. Many thanks to those who have sent me entries.